That One Time I Attempted to Cook Like a Hobbit

Back in January, I attempted to make a recipe from AN UNEXPECTED COOKBOOK, a collection of recipes inspired by the food found in THE HOBBIT by J.R.R. Tolkien. The recipe in question was apple hand pies. The method? Both freeform and patted into a cupcake tin. The process went about as well as you can imagine for someone who is short-tempered and has very little experience making hand pies.

First, I washed and then peeled eight (you heard me) Granny Smith apples. Then I cored and diced them into tiny pieces before making a sugar, cinnamon, and ground cloves mix (I might’ve gone too heavy on the “pinch” of the latter) and coating the fruit with it.

All of this was hard work, but I was feeling confident that I could tackle this project without too much angst. Oh boy.

Next, I added two tablespoons of honey and three tablespoons of melted butter to the spiced and sugared apples, making certain everything was coated. Then I made the short crust. (Note: this is where things started to fall apart—literally and figuratively, I’m afraid.)

The dough wouldn’t form properly, so I added an extra tablespoon of water and rolled out the barely-together/overworked dough onto a floured surface, rolled it out, and cut out as many three-inch circles as I (or rather, my mom, who came to my rescue) could. Note if you try this recipe: halve the filling, double the crust, and do NOT, for the love of Gandalf, use a two-inch cutter as the recipe suggests. Four-inch would be better. And do NOT add a heaping tablespoon of apple filling. It will overflow and you won’t be able to close the freeform hand pies.

After three stabby attempts to form hand pies freeform, I patted and stretched the dough discs into a greased muffin tin, filled them with filling (more than half of which I still have left), and popped them (without dough lids, as they ought to have had) into a 375-degree Fahrenheit oven for roughly twenty-two minutes, golden brown.

The result? Tasty! Worth the trouble? Meh. If Bilbo and the dwarves he accompanies to the Lonely Mountain were starving, they might eat the treats.

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What is something you’ve cooked or baked recently? Feel free to share stories of your successes—or failures (no judgement here)!

Keep your nose in a book,
Beth

P.S. Want more baking fun? Check out this pumpkin bread recipe!