No need to sing Beastie Boys at me. Please don’t.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way…
Today I’m going to talk about sabotage. More specifically, SELF-sabotage.
A friend once asked me if I was my own saboteur. I think I replied around the lines of “I don’t know.” Because I didn’t. But the more I look at my patterns of behavior, the more I’m noticing that yes, yes I do sabotage myself in many different areas of my life.
When I know I’ll binge eat at night, I fail to eat earlier in the evening so that I’m not hungry then. Then I’m “starving” late at night and fall into that pit. Sabotage.
I buy a pair of jeans a size larger because I think I’m bigger than I am. The pants fall down (a lot) when I’m around home, and I still find a way to think I’m bigger than I am. Sabotage.
When I’ve edited a manuscript but it’s not quite there yet, I go ahead and hit SUBMIT. Because I’m never going to get any better and suck and might as well get the rejection/s over with. SABOTAGE.
The sad thing? I keep doing the above three things. I haven’t learned.
There’s a good book that gives me hope. It’s called RESTORE and it’s by Vince Antonucci. He talks about going to a rehab of sorts and how there are really six or so tools to help get yourself out of a bad habit (and I count sabotaging myself as a habit.) They’re covered in AA, I believe (at least some.) The first one?
I CAN’T. GOD CAN.
Read the book for more explaining, but suffice it to say that by seeing my sin and weakness and turning to God for help, He’s able to do amazing things.
Non-Christians: This is a good book.
Christians: This is a good book.
So please pray for me, that I can stop messing up my life when I know God has good things in store for me.
Keep your nose in a book and your pen on the page,