Adding to the Awesome Lore of Beth’s Baking Fiascos

What did you do for Thanksgiving 2024? I went over to my sister’s and BIL’s for the day. It was nice. But that’s not exciting, is it? No. I’m sure you don’t want to hear about our conversation or how much we all ate–it was probably too much. What I bet you DO want to hear is about the Thanksgiving I tried to do everything all by myself and ruined the holiday….amiright?

So, picture this: The year is 2011. My sister had married the previous year, and a few months after, my grandpa in Illinois had lost my grandma. Everyone–said sister, BIL, and my grandpa were all invited to come over for Turkey Day, and goshdarnit, I was going to make the biggest, bestest feast ever!

The menu:

• Turkey breast
• Dressing/stuffing
• Pumpkin bread
• Mashed potatoes
• Baked apples
• Pumpkin pie
• Rolls
• Green bean casserole
• Cranberry relish
• Pumpkin pie

Easy peasy, right? BAHAHAHAHA!

I was going to cook the turkey, stuffing, pumpkin bread, mashed potatoes, and baked apples. Sister was assigned the green bean casserole, and everything else was store bought.

I started the day before, making the pumpkin bread, which turned out well. The turkey went in before ten, because that sucker had to BAKE. Stuffing was Grandma Overmyer’s recipe adapted (by yours truly) for the crockpot/slow cooker, and baked apples and potatoes were done on the stovetop.

The turkey was fine. Moist, even. My grandpa carved it. But the baked apples? Yeah, I’d never tried the recipe before and they were nowhere NEAR cooked by the time dinner was to start, so I chucked them into a bowl and said, “Good enough.” and went to work on the potatoes, all but forgetting about the stuffing. Folks, I added WAAAAAAAAAY too much milk and butter, resulting in potato soup. And–OH, NO! THE STUFFING! Burnt to a crisp.

Everyone was kind, mind you, if a bit disappointed. All was quiet at the dinner table, and before dessert had arrived, my grandpa from Illinois decided he’d had enough. Grandpa rose from the table, thanked us for dinner, packed his bags, and headed out. Mind you, the man was around ninety years and still driving. And he had to pass through Chicago, so he wanted a head start. For the lore’s sake, I like to think he wanted to put a state between himself and my cooking.

From that day forward, there has been an unspoken rule among my family members: Beth is not allowed to make more than one Thanksgiving dish…if that. My niece has no doubt heard the tales and has offered to take over baking the pumpkin bread, even, leaving me bake-less.

I console myself by enjoying everyone’s food and being thankful I don’t need to be on my feet that day for five hours.

HAPPY BLACK FRIDAY!
Beth

P.S. My books make awesome Christmas/holiday gifts!

P.P.S. A free book group guide